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Promise

Posted on Oct 10th, 2006 by Ahhna : Overgrown Indigo Ahhna



Our newborn was being ripped from my mind,

while I gritted my teeth

in despair,


in anger,



in

ferocity.



No


!



don't


leave


us


...


..


.


So new was our love

it died upon his leave

the gentle smell of his skin,

perceived

Cupid's wrath,

vicious upon me.


Feigning innocence,

plowing forth,

unaware of a small trench

made in his wake.


I don't want this

I don't want


this.


He cannot promise

beyond

his belief.


And when discovering him,

I said:


I am more than an image that fucks you

I am a woman who mistakenly loves you

I am a woman who comes over your voice

I am

a willing victim.


Downtrodden must his ears be

rigid with the same damn melody

uttered from mouths

as different

as days.


My song was real,

my love ..

made me talk dirty

with strings.



I

miss

what never was.



and it ended


like a breath.




a. herrada

March, 2005


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C.S. Lewis commentary

Posted on Oct 10th, 2006 by Ahhna : Overgrown Indigo Ahhna
"What Satan put into the hand of our remote ancestors was the idea that they
could be like gods, could set up on their own as if they created themselves, be
their own master, invent some sort of happiness for themselves outside God,
apart from God.  And out of that hopeless attempt has come nearly all that we
call human history- money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes,
empires, slavery- the long terrible story of man trying to find something other
than God which will make him happy."

C.S. Lewis

*  *  *

i'm not sure how dogmatic i am about the 'consequences of satan's work' or living a life which is fearful of experiencing things outside the realm of worship , with god being one's primary focus.  

i am not claiming that god, i.e. 'the universal force' (or whatever form people choose to define as a higher sense of consciousness) shouldn't be in the framework of our minds .. however, what i would like to think about is the role god plays in how we choose our actions; whether or not they are based on the higher principles of enlightenment. if we choose to relegate our actions according to those very principles, then i do believe that in many ways we are our own masters, if only because we've been given that very opportunity as result of our sheer presence on this earth and the constant yet elusive nature of free will. moreover, i think that people do attain a sense of happiness independent of 'active, conscious god-worship'. this kind of happiness is often a by-product of experience, is quite valid and acceptable and although not rooted in a willful exclusion of god, it is a happiness based entirely upon unconsciously enjoying the fruits and the beauty of life, similar to that of a child loving the fallen snow without actively thinking of the wonderous power of nature. to believe that sort of happiness breeds hopelessness or is any less significant than the type of joy experienced by that of religious fundamenalists, is sheer folly.  

lastly, money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery  -  'the almighty hand of satan', might not necessarily be  about 'the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy.'  .. these conditions may , however, stem from the inevitable consequences of the dangerous combination of three elemental human conditions/ailments : ignorance, fear and greed. i am a firm believer that logic and the full, proper and balanced development of the mind/self can play a large role in overcoming these moral hurdles, regardless of deity worship. it seems as though any implementation of religious tenets as a means of keeping these man-made problems 'conveniently' at bay is merely an emotional plea that preys upon feelings of guilt and further hinders our evolvment as a species. it is preferable to focus on a more universal approach, which has less to do appealing to language and culture (that which strongly accentuates religious boundaries and intolerances) and has more to do with spotlighting awareness/education, balanced empowerment and love as a better way to solve the potentially inhumane by-products of life's unpredictability and the unfortunate results of actions committed by the less-evolved. 

the bad things which we endure as human beings have to do with a lack of focus on god, but a lack of focus in bettering ourselves.
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quote

Posted on Oct 10th, 2006 by Ahhna : Overgrown Indigo Ahhna
" I do not want ever to be indifferent to the joys and beauties of life.
For through these, as through pain, we are enabled to see purpose in randomness,
pattern in chaos. We do not have to understand in order to believe
that behind the mystery and the fascination,  there is love. "

Madeline L'Engle

Two Part Invention
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Still Occasion

Posted on Oct 10th, 2006 by Ahhna : Overgrown Indigo Ahhna

In the pursuit of comprehending

the delicate intricacies of your expression,

each lingering contradiction

and observations as gentle as a falling tendril -

the murmurs of an aged heartache

compose a beginning melody sweet within me,

propelling hope

and a timeless glance

at a future balancing upon a wholehearted embrace

of possibility.


I remain breathless

for you to touch me blindly

and grip a faith which longs to become

that which you and I have never known,

yet know to exist.


Within a thousand miles of distance soars

a heart

that willingly dives

deep into the shallow waters of your calm.

We often kiss tenderly

beside a blossoming trust

while our exhausted

judicious

nature,


rests.


Oh, if it were

I

to lead us on this journey

with my hand warmly held in yours,

I would command Doubt

in order to be able to adore you,

and you me.


We would sigh,

in awe of a wise god's blessing

and meld shamelessly

unto the bounty of His bed.


In your slumber, I emerge

and you watch me, without hesitation.

Filled with courage,

you observe a painting of European Starlings,

at dawn.



a.h.

February, 2005





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virtual ode

Posted on Oct 10th, 2006 by Ahhna : Overgrown Indigo Ahhna
The Gullibles Travel


their words volley, their mind
fasts on back and forths,
backs and forth,
forth and back.

he left, as she went
and came in her, unnannouced
and changed his hair to make it soft again
parted, so that she may feel
the eyes of a joker
on her.

she was more than one thousand alabaster beauties
.. far more.

drenched in sunflowers and chocolate, he laughed with her long story,
but listened, still,
to all of it .. when others eyes mimicked glazed,
donuts.

he read her words
he traced her art
and fed her
absintmindedness

the answer, was always yes
though she said no, again
and again
and,

she did not hear him
.. she could not
she
would not
and she ran home
choosing to believe the tales of tall strangers,
instead.

a.h.
july 2005
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